I like to think am hardcore, but kwa huyu nilichemsha

Weekend moja niliamua kwenda kwenye mapumziko Zanzibar. Basi nikaamka na hangovers zangu nikaamua kwenda kuzimua mtaani huku nimeshajiandaa kabisa. Niliweka begi langu kwenye gari tukaanza kukata maji na bf wangu, kuja kushtuka boti ya saa saba imeshaniacha ikabidi niondoke na ya mwisho, ya saa kumi. Hiyo boti yenyewe ya mwisho nilifanya kuikimbilia karibu ingeniacha. Nime stagger zangu kwenye boti na hata sikushughulika kutafuta siti. Nika dump mabegi pembeni nikakaa kwenye ngazi nikalala nikiwa nimeegemea upande. Kuna kaka alikuwa amekaa nyuma yangu lakini kwa presha za kukimbiwa na boti, na stimu za kupiga mambo yangu wala sikumwangalia.

Sasa bwana pombe ilipokata kidogo ndio nikafungua macho. Kuja kugundua nimeegemea katikati ya mapaja ya kaka wa watu jamani. I was so ashamed. Nilitamani nisigeuke nitumbukie humo humo ngazini. Ikabidi nigeuke nimuombe samahani. Ile namuangalia tu, I blushed. He was smiling. This was a really attractive man. He had really nice eyes. Muscular physique and boyish looks. Kwa kweli he had an efffect on me, but surely I just couldnt let it show. Usingizi mwanaharamu hasa. Si nikalala tena.

Nimelala zangu nikaskia tap begani, "we are almost there". Kudaadeki hata sikuomba samahani kwa pozi nilojikuta. Manake asingenielewa. Tulikuwa Chumbe, so nikaanza kukusanya viatu vyangu nilivyotupa kuleee akaniambia ''don't worry I will get your bags." TUkawa tunatia story mpaka tumefika huku boat inafungwa. Nikajua kumbe huyu bwandugu-sio mpemba- anaishi kulekule Unguja na ni mfanya biashara wa kuuza mazagazaga wanayopenda wazungu. Anyway tumefika, tukashuka kwenye boat. Akanipa card yake and he made me promise I would call him kwa sabau yeye alikuwa anatembea kwenda home kwa vile sio mbali na bandarini.

Basi, nikaenda zangu hotelini kupumzika magugu maji yaishe kichwani. Nimefika hotelini nikaishia counter, porters wakapeleka mzigo chumbani. Nikanywa weeee nikaita cab mimi huyo mjini kuangaz macho. Nikaishia Mercury pale bandarini. Nikaagiza dinner nikakaa nimeelekea beach. "hey, can I join you?" kugeuka, it was the guy from the boat. We had dinner and went for a walk. I learnt so much from this Chagga boy. I was happy, tumetembea mpaka Livingstone tukaendelea kunywa. I will never understand alijuaje I smoke weed, tukaenda starehe club where I was free to smoke in public unlike anywhere else.

I took a cab nikarudi hotelini and we planned to go to the beach the following day. We arranged to meet at Livingtone. So tuka pack a couple of things, like booze and weed and left. It was a moment to die for. I was really happy. He was a decent fun boy. I call him a boy because of his boyish looks....... I will cut the long story short.

We fell in love. Not during that short trip to Zanzibar but Nilikujaga kuhamia Zanzibar and we continued to see each other. Never once did this boy push me for sex. Huyu ni mwanaume mmoja katika milioni. Ni mwanaume ambaye hakuwa katika rush ya kunipeleka mbio katika jambo lolote. Ila kwa hilo he confused me.

Anyway siku moja aliniaga anaenda safari Norway. Akaniambia he would take me out the night before. God I was going to miss him so so much. Akaniambia namba ya kule hana but he would call me. Well alienda and he called... But I couldnt call him back. I missed him so so much.

Siku zikaenda, I wrote him so many emails. Each time I thought of him. Usiku when I thought of him nilikuwaga najiuliza what will it be like when we get down. Muda mrefu ulikuwa umepita, almost two years..... but he never rushed things. NA mie wala sikuwa na haraka ya kukutanisha nanilii.

Sasa bwana siku moja nikaenda Starehe Club kunakovutwa bange hadharani. Dada mmoja ambae ni mhudumu pale akaniita na kuanza kunipa story. 'Dada unajua J anakupenda sana?' Nikamwambia yeah. Basi msamehe bure kwa alichokifanya. HAkuwa na jinsi, ndio ilikuwa njia yake ya kutoka kimaisha. WTF? Hapo nikawa sober. J amefunga ndoa Jumamosi iliyopita kwa mwanamama na Norway ambae yuko safi kishenzi. Sista WTFFFFF???? Akaniambia pole. Nilicheka nikaondoka zangu. I was confused. Nikaenda kukaa beach niweke mambo sawa akilini.

I did not email him again. When he called, I couldnt pick his calls. I was not furious. He never madde promises he didnt keep. I was just so confused. Miaka imepita, I am married too. I am a mother now. But I think of him sometimes and he still makes me smile. Of course I wonder how things would have gone between us. Yupo Dar, kaja kutembea. Wants to see me and my son. I will not go, but I will keep praying for him. Hope he is always happy wherever he is.